【大家写作文系列二】漫画作文—（教育）给学生（不必写整篇，一句也ok，有奖励）

345543z

原帖由 mb1221 于 2008-1-14 21:35 发表
大概写了40分钟（键盘不太熟练），一共258个字（可能有点多）。可能有语法错误，兄弟们板砖砸轻点啊！
      As the old saying goes” Parents poor world”. The cartoon vividly shows us a quite delibera ...

But their grandpa and grandma, in following them timely, is not as luck as the two children. 主谓一致，is改are

Owing to carrying a heavy bag, every one of the two old people is feeling tired.
every one of the two old people is feeling tired这句不好,用every one of 值得商榷

Although Education Department has made a lot of relevant laws to decreasing the burden of the students all of the country
用take...measures吧,教育部不制定law,把decreasing换alleviate?all of the country似乎要改下all over the country?

too much studying pressure is harm to the child
is改does或harm改harmful/detrimental

Since neither of the suggestion, suggestion用复数

[ 本帖最后由 345543z 于 2008-1-15 14:50 编辑 ]

345543z

原帖由 timeless1983 于 2008-1-14 20:32 发表
土纸兄想得真周到啊，顶下，我只写套话，第一段-_-!
套话： As is revealed in the drawing above,two children are going to primary school  with smile(很高兴这么多作业-_-!)
while their grandparents t ...

注意到是爷爷提包 奶奶背包 这个图就描述生动了,背包要怎么表述哦

destructive

kitbag是背包，旅行皮包

345543z

原帖由 destructive 于 2008-1-15 15:06 发表
kitbag是背包，旅行皮包

背是动词... 背书包

hokyocn

The latest surveys show that quite a few children have unpleasant associations with homework.

[ 本帖最后由 土纸 于 2008-1-15 16:54 编辑 ]

destructive

take
fix
bring
hold
catch
胆大你就随便用

345543z

原帖由 destructive 于 2008-1-15 15:21 发表
take
fix
bring
hold
catch
胆大你就随便用

考试大小作文 分别计划用多少时间？

nick-cave

As is shown in the picture above，two youngsters,a boy and a girl, are walking ahead easy and joyfully，while their eldermen，maybe grandma and grandpa，are following helping carry the two children‘s heavy schoolbags full of books，tired and exhausted. And we can see that though the boy is so young, he is wearing a pair of thick glasses.Obviously,he has a very poor sight. It's revealed that the study burden carryed by the youngers is so heavey that their eldermen have to take parts for them.
           This phenomenon is typical in china for pupils and has aroused a great social concern. In my opinion,sevrel reasons may contribute to the current educational situation.For the first thing,in general families,parents always hold a high hope for their children, expecting the generation can have a brighter future than themselves.And they put  much emphasis on the study score of their children. For the other,from the school's perspective,the children are assigned lots of homework to finish and busy with it all day.Thus they spare no time to play and have insufficient sleep.
        Therefore,it's high time that we took some measures to cope with the problem confronted by the whole sociaty.on the one hand, we can't impose our excessively high expectation on the children, and overlook their own ideas.on the other hand, it's urgent to take a eductional reform to pay more attention to improving their abilities,such as independent thinking, self-teaching and so on,but not only to the test score. Finally,we should provide more room for them to develop freely and happily.

[ 本帖最后由 土纸 于 2008-1-15 16:54 编辑 ]

土纸

原帖由 艾肖庞 于 2008-1-14 21:45 发表
Nowadays  more   and  more  people  begin  to  care  about  the  issue  of  the children to grow  up in the soft  surroudings, as  is  obviously  depicted in the picture, two grandparents  with   ...

Nowadays  more   and  more  people  begin  to  care  about  the  issue  of  the children to grow  up in the soft  surroudings, as  is  obviously  depicted in the picture, two grandparents  with  big bag walk difficultly while  the  children run and jump  in the front.
第一，那个逗号，应该改为句号。下面的句子首字母大写As
第二，建议最后一个句子，应该加一个词happily

     It  is  no  difficult  job  for  us  to  make clear  of  the  meaning of  the picture and  come  up  with  some  possible  factors that  underlie  the above  phenomenon.

这个套话，用得还是不错的，承上启下

In  the  first  place,  there  is  only  one  child  in  many  families,so  the  parents  always  make  a soft  surrondings  for them. In  the  second  place, ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

     As  far  as  I  am  concerned ,  I  think

总结，我认为您这篇文章的框架基本上有了，但是未免有些主题不清
土纸认为，这篇漫画，主要谈的两方面，一方面是学生学业压力过重，一方面是父母对学生的溺爱，不利于孩子的成长。
而前者为主，后者为次，这样就好展开了。

土纸

原帖由 nick-cave 于 2008-1-15 15:28 发表
As is shown in the picture above，two youngsters,a boy and a girl, are walking ahead easy and joyfully，while their eldermen，maybe grandma and grandpa，are following helping carry the two childr ...

As is shown in the picture above，two youngsters,a boy and a girl, are walking ahead easy and joyfully，while their eldermen，maybe grandma and grandpa，are following helping carry the two children‘s heavy schoolbags full of books，tired and exhausted. And we can see that though the boy is so young, he is wearing a pair of thick glasses.Obviously,he has a very poor sight. It's revealed that the study burden carryed by the youngers is so heavey that their eldermen have to take parts for them.
第一句，采用了同位语结构，有些与众不同，很好。
第二，又采用了同位语，起到了，结构平行的效果，我觉得也算不错。
第三，看到了一个关键点，很厚的眼镜，说明学业很累，观察很细致。这样就不会跑题啦。

           This phenomenon is typical in china for pupils and has aroused a great social concern. In my opinion,sevrel reasons may contribute to the current educational situation.For the first thing,in general families,parents always hold a high hope for their children, expecting the generation can have a brighter future than themselves.And they put  much emphasis on the study score of their children. For the other,from the school's perspective,the children are assigned lots of homework to finish and busy with it all day.Thus they spare no time to play and have insufficient sleep.
第一，我觉得the generation是不是改为their generations 更好些，
第二，相应第一个，将a brighter future 改为 brighter futures 是不是更好呢
第三，lots of homeworks
第四，it ——them
        Therefore,it's high time that we took some measures to cope with the problem confronted by the whole sociaty.on the one hand, we can't impose our excessively high expectation on the children, and overlook their own ideas.on the other hand, it's urgent to take a eductional reform to pay more attention to improving their abilities,such as independent thinking, self-teaching and so on,but not only to the test score. Finally,we should provide more room for them to develop freely and happily.

最后一段，套句较多，我觉得，第一句用得很好，其他研友可以采用。


[ 本帖最后由 土纸 于 2008-1-15 17:34 编辑 ]