【大家写作文系列二】漫画作文—（教育）给学生（不必写整篇，一句也ok，有奖励）

mb1221

大概写了40分钟（键盘不太熟练），一共258个字（可能有点多）。可能有语法错误，兄弟们板砖砸轻点啊！
      As the old saying goes” Parents poor world”. The cartoon vividly shows us a quite deliberating thing that a boy and a girl are running ahead. From their expression, we can learn that the two children are very free and happy. But their grandpa and grandma, in following them timely, is not as luck as the two children. Owing to carrying a heavy bag, every one of the two old people is feeling tired.
           From my point of view, what the picture conveys is far beyond a scene of two happy children and two tired old people and carries other implications as will. Although Education Department has made a lot of relevant laws to decreasing the burden of the students all of the country, however, owing to the pressure of study, most of students’ study burden has not decreased clearly. It is clear that if we let this situation continue as it is, we do not know where the tomorrow will be in the future.
          Hence, it is imperative for us to take drastic measure to reverse this disturbing trend illustrated in the above cartoon. To begin with, relevant authorities should lay more emphasis on is what schools and teacher do, and how can we improve the decrease-burden job . In addition, we should cultivate the awareness that too much studying pressure is harm to the child. Since neither of the suggestion can effectively solve the problem, there is an increasing awareness that the two solutions may be combined with other possible solutions to produce the best effect.

[ 本帖最后由 土纸 于 2008-1-14 21:58 编辑 ]

艾肖庞

Nowadays  more   and  more  people  begin  to  care  about  the  issue  of  the children to grow  up in the soft  surroudings, as  is  obviously  depicted in the picture, two grandparents  with  big bag walk difficultly while  the  children run and jump  in the front.
     It  is  no  difficult  job  for  us  to  make clear  of  the  meaning of  the picture and  come  up  with  some  possible  factors that  underlie  the above  phenomenon. In  the  first  place,  there  is  only  one  child  in  many  families,so  the  parents  always  make  a soft  surrondings  for them. In  the  second  place, ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
     As  far  as  I  am  concerned ,  I  think

[ 本帖最后由 土纸 于 2008-1-14 21:59 编辑 ]

艾肖庞

只写出模板,词汇太差,不能添东西了,呵呵,可能还有错误吧!

土纸

原帖由 timeless1983 于 2008-1-14 20:32 发表
土纸兄想得真周到啊，顶下，我只写套话，第一段-_-!
套话： As is revealed in the drawing above,two children are going to primary school  with smile(很高兴这么多作业-_-!)
while their grandparents take two bags(书包咋翻译啊，我真烂啊..) which packed so many books.what is conveyed  in this
drawing is most thought-provoking and should arouse the concern of our society.
(英语烂，大家多包涵...)

我就先说几句，纯粹交流，抛砖引玉。

going to school

或者是

on a way to school

都可以。

我绝决您在最后一句里的套话是不是没有突出重点

到底是什么引起社会关注，是这个图片的内容，还是图片所表达的主题，而您只是简单地描述了图片内容，并没有点出主题，因此无法引起社会的关注。

在中间要加一下这是一个什么现象，the children have many homeworks after school等点出主题

土纸

原帖由 huixuankeren 于 2008-1-14 21:19 发表
what is shown in the picture is distonished me .There are two olders ,with the heavy bags in the grandparenets hand ,      follow        two  primary students  who are  proberly   their  grandchi ...

感觉你这里好像有几个地方是不是语法有问题

is，这应该不是被动语态吧，感觉应该是主动语态

follow 应该用following，是不是呢？》

土纸

原帖由 mb1221 于 2008-1-14 21:35 发表
大概写了40分钟（键盘不太熟练），一共258个字（可能有点多）。可能有语法错误，兄弟们板砖砸轻点啊！
As the old saying goes” Parents poor world”. The cartoon vividly shows us a quite delibera ...

   

As the old saying goes” Parents poor world”. The cartoon vividly shows us a quite deliberating thing that a boy and a girl are running ahead. From their expression, we can learn that the two children are very free and happy. But their grandpa and grandma, in following them timely, is not as luck as the two children. Owing to carrying a heavy bag, every one of the two old people is feeling tired.
土纸还是抛砖引玉，首先，这段写得相当不错。我认为in following，是不是有些牵强，应该去掉in，用现代分词是不是更好些。还有，对于感官等动词，采用现在进行时好象是不允许的，一般采用一般现代时，这个语法最近我刚刚复习过，明天我查书再确认一下。
           From my point of view, what the picture conveys is far beyond a scene of two happy children and two tired old people and carries other implications as will. Although Education Department has made a lot of relevant laws to decreasing the burden of the students all of the country, however, owing to the pressure of study, most of students’ study burden has not decreased clearly. It is clear that if we let this situation continue as it is, we do not know where the tomorrow will be in the future.
对于本段，也很不错。我认为有几处还可以商榷一下。第一，make sth or sb （to） do ，好像你那里的to decreasing的用法是不是有问题呢？第二，of the students，是不是中间的the有点累赘，可以省略。第三，most fo students study burden的用法是不是有些别扭，不如写成study burden of many students 或者是 study burden of students in great number。most of +n。= n + in great number
第四，do not， 用得非常好，采用助动词do +not的形式是一种强调句式，表达对这一问题的看法的着重。一般可以采用助动词do +not +实意动词V或者 do +实意动词V。简单地讲，就是将助动词提出来，不缩写或者省略，起到加强语气的作用，一般在文中可以采用1-2次。
          Hence, it is imperative for us to take drastic measure to reverse this disturbing trend illustrated in the above cartoon. To begin with, relevant authorities should lay more emphasis on is what schools and teacher do, and how can we improve the decrease-burden job . In addition, we should cultivate the awareness that too much studying pressure is harm to the child. Since neither of the suggestion can effectively solve the problem, there is an increasing awareness that the two solutions may be combined with other possible solutions to produce the best effect.
第一，take drastic measure，可数名词measure应该加复数，第二，this，一般指代后文提到的，而您这里在指代前文，是否应该用that更好呢
第三，is，好像应该不需要，第四，can无需倒装，用陈述句式即可，还有studying，在前文一直用study，现在改用，studying，是否可以改变一下。



[ 本帖最后由 土纸 于 2008-1-15 00:18 编辑 ]

destructive

is not as luck as the two children
luck 应该是名词 ，要改成形容词吧

只等考研那一天

luck应该就是形容词吧？
lucky才是名词啊！

destructive

楼上的，我真的很无语。

345543z

原帖由 destructive 于 2008-1-15 13:21 发表
楼上的，我真的很无语。

幽默？