发个英一大作文模板，用好了上15没问题

litianpeng1

         Having captured our attention, the picture vividly describes that [描述图片内容]. Accordingly, what this far-reaching picture depicts a common phenomenon in today's society: [图片所反映的寓意].                       

     

        According to a recent survey conducted by the China Daily that our society has witnessed a dramatic increase[或者decline] in [某现象如globalization] during the last 10 years. This issue apparently has a profound impact on our everyday life. There are numerous reasons that why do we lay much emphasis upon this, and I would like to explore a few of the most important ones here. For one thing, [第一个理由]. For another, [第二个理由]. And above all, [第三个理由            

   

       Judging from what has been argued above, we have to recognize that it is high time we should take some effective measures to resolve the problem. Only by undergoing these measures, can we human beings live in harmony, and we will have a bright future.

chen2974

很多海文的痕迹

chen2974

what this far-reaching picture depicts a common phenomeno
少谓语啊

chen2974

According to a recent survey conducted by China Daily that our society has witnessed a dramatic increase[或者decline] in [某现象如globalization] during last 10 years.这个THAT怪怪的，貌似有问题

chen2974

There are numerous reasons that why do we lay much emphasis upon this,
这个that貌似也有问题....
建议楼主把语法错误改了，貌似很多墨吹吹的痕迹，但楼主自由发挥了不少

litianpeng1

chen2974 发表于 2012-12-22 15:51
There are numerous reasons that why do we lay much emphasis upon this,
这个that貌似也有问题....
建议 ...

再看看，用软件自动改错和润色了下。

chen2974

litianpeng1 发表于 2012-12-22 17:12
再看看，用软件自动改错和润色了下。

软件靠不住的....
Accordingly,what this far-reaching picture depicts witnesses a common phenomenon in today's society:
上面是老墨那个模板里的句子，明显你给人家把谓语去了
后面那两个句子定语从句都是多了个引导词
又看了看，we have to recognize，这里人家老师给的是we have come to realize，你这里改了以后感觉也怪怪的，原文人家是用的完成时态加了个have，你这里改了后中文就是“我们必须认出”。
还有些你自己的表达，明显跟模板句不搭，连我都能看出来别说老师了.....


PS:碰巧我也看了墨老师的模板，我写这些只是觉得你的模板里的错误句子有可能误导大家，所以希望你把错误的改过来，不要误导其他人，没别的意思

毛絿唲

{:soso_e140:}1楼


{:soso_e179:}支持6楼

花谢花飞花满

chen2974 发表于 2012-12-22 18:17
软件靠不住的....
Accordingly,what this far-reaching picture depicts witnesses a common phenomenon  ...

have to=must吧？我也不是很懂，是不是，不得不的意思？

jiuzhuanwuji

那个vividly都让老师吐血了，你还用。。。