【作文你来写，我来评】免费考研英语作文测评活动结束

游永振 · 发表于 2014-10-31 06:30

方会岩发表于 2014-10-24 17:38
分数：12分
复习建议：结构清晰，内容也比较完整，但语言表达上稍显单一，建议积累更多更好的句型词汇运 ...

老师，你您辛苦了！

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g15029510179 · 发表于 2014-10-31 10:39

方会岩发表于 2014-10-22 12:10
分数：9分
基本完成了试题规定的任务
1包含内容要点；

太感谢老师了，一会努力的！

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龙呼晴 · 发表于 2014-11-4 11:04

方会岩发表于 2014-10-27 14:47
分数：9分
基本完成了试题规定的任务
1虽漏掉一些内容，但包含多数内容要点；

方老师您好，这时候打扰您实在不好意思。但是我实在找不到别的帮助，劳烦您帮我看一篇2002英语一的作文是不是走题了，还有中间一段的例子是不是过于抒情了，我听一些辅导班老师说抒情的不大符合essay的要求，第一段段末和第二段开头用了两个there be，啰嗦了，但实在词穷了。麻烦老师了，希望能得到老师的回复。
As the most sublime and valuable emotion of human race,love has been supporting us to get out of any forms of difficulties either with spiritual assistance or with actual actions.As the picture above symbolically conveyed,love is just like a smiling lamp whose rays become brighter where it is darker.There is no denying that the harsher the reality is to be,the more precious the love is.
There is no better illustrstions than the following one that I have kept it in my memory for many years. It was on the eve of New Year,a very cold day,when I was just a student of high middle school that a girl in red coat was gently sharing sweet candies with those little beggar kids.Although these kids were so dirty and mannerless that almost everybody kept away from them,the loving girl seemed like the smiling lamp lighting up the lives of these poor kids who were essential lack of love.Admittedly,so much were these kids touched that nobody hardly felt the happiness of them.
Therefore,what is the best way to show real love？It is far beyond something verbal,however,it is rooted in even the tiniest action of anybody.First of all,people from all walks of life,with what efforts they can,give a helping hand to those who are in trouble.In addition,authorities concerned should take measures to cultivate the awareness of love of people.Only in this way can our society be lit up by love；only in this way can China Dream come true better.

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方会岩 · 发表于 2014-11-5 13:55

龙呼晴发表于 2014-11-4 11:04
方老师您好，这时候打扰您实在不好意思。但是我实在找不到别的帮助，劳烦您帮我看一篇2002英语一的作文是 ...

龙呼晴，你好！你的文章我看了，写得很认真，也很不错，现在回答一下你提出的几个问题：1.如果你写的是2002年的写作题目，作文肯定是走题了，如果你写得是2001年题目，就没有走题；2. 中间一段落的论证部分是有点抒情，或者叫繁琐，议论文里的表达应该以客观、严谨、精炼为特点，建议修改一下；3. 两个there be 句型问题并不大，去掉一个就可以，比如第一段末，直接写 The harsher the reality is ,the more precious the love is. 注意：好的文章肯定是长短句的结合，而不是一味的长句堆砌！
祝考试成功！

龙呼晴 · 发表于 2014-11-5 16:04

方会岩发表于 2014-11-5 13:55
龙呼晴，你好！你的文章我看了，写得很认真，也很不错，现在回答一下你提出的几个问题：1.如果你写的是20 ...

老师讲解好细心，好感动，着实帮我解决了心中困惑很久的问题。这个作文，不知道为什么，写着写着全是长难句，其实写的时候心里一直在冒汗，因为有听说堆砌长难句分数会很低。可能缺少人监督，我就明知是个火坑还往里跳了，唉。。。现在听了老师的话，我不纠结了，一定努力把句子长短调节好。
关于第二段，我也要吸取教训，不能“抒情”啦，后面会认认真真去改，去借鉴。
那么最后我还有一个问题，就是作文主旨的问题。其实每写一篇文章，我都很担心会走题，比如说这一次。准确提炼主旨有哪些注意事项呢？不好意思啊老师，我就像十万个为什么，问题好多，嘻嘻~

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